10-Sep-2010 - Simon's 50th Birthday Party

Host and invited guests gathered in the Elephant Bar from 18:00hrs, taking advantage of the $4.00 Singapore Slings during Happy Hour, before then embarking on the bus back to Prasat Kravan at 19:00hrs. Since departing Saigon, Simon had dropped a number of hints about the various ‘special events’ which had been organised as part of the birthday celebration program, with extravagance, writ large, being the defining theme. On arrival, we were greeted by two magnificent Asian elephants, both female, one a Matriarch; their massive bulk silhouetted against the temple remains, which had been illuminated in soft red and yellow light. These gentle giants were an instant sensation, with Alex, Astrid and Donna in particular content to nuzzle with kindred feline spirits. All the while, a small Khmer orchestra played in the background to add to the majesty of our surroundings.

We were then escorted to the marquee situated in front of the temple, which was ordained with a number of ice sculptures. Between each was a dancer in local costume, with the entire troupe performing a welcoming dance for the arriving guests. We were then attended to by an army of waiters, also exquisitely dressed, offering all manner of drinks and exotic hors d'oeuvres. For the next hour, we mingled with each other and the elephants, all the while soaking in the mystical jungle atmosphere under a starry night – truly magnificent.

At about 21:00hrs we moved to the back of the temple, where another marquee had been erected for dinner. The white ornate setting would have suited any Royal occasion, though few could have matched that offered by a 1300 year old temple. Before and between each course we were treated to more dancing spectacles to music from the orchestra. The menu was delicious, offering both quantity (my favourite) and quality (everybody else’s favourite), washed down with plentiful supply of good wine. All the while, we continued to be attended to on hand and foot by an army of waiters.

And then came the moment to present Birthday Boy with his just deserve – a sumptuous dark chocolate cake, presented by the dancing troupe, and with great fanfare. Simon was also presented with a boat Captain’s Hat, much to his liking, and revealing him for what he is – Gay Lord Biscuitbarrel-Smith, founding member of the Village People! Having being ‘Outed’, we gathered around for a photo shoot, the results of which suggest Simon has other ‘skeletons in the cupboard’ to be disclosed.

And so finally we raised a toast, marking two very special occasions; the first being the end of a journey through space, and the other, a continuing journey through time. The journey through space from Saigon to Angkor Wat had been truly memorable, cycling through terrain which differed with each passing day, under changeable weather conditions and with challenging obstacle courses thrown in for good measure. But by embracing and overcoming these hurdles, we were rewarded with fantastic vistas, met wonderful local people along the way, visited sites that exemplify the best and worst of mankind’s ingenuity and cemented friendships; all by celebrating our differences. Simon’s journey through time has many parallel’s, seeking to constantly challenge himself, and in the process extracting the most from life. And by ultimately putting back more than he takes, it is a life Most Remarkable.

Day 10 (10-Sep-2010) Siem Reap

Breakfast was a most enjoyable affair, partly because we no longer needed to pack up for yet another long day on the bikes, but primarily because it was Simon’s ‘Big Day’. A large table had been set aside in the centre of the restaurant, with all those present hailing Simon’s entrance with a rendition of Happy Birthday that was less basso profundo and more outoftuno, and Sue very fortissimo. A number of presents and cards were given, including a T-shirt with a photo of Simon cutting a magnificent chiselled pose in Speedos, gazing out across Ningaloo Reef. Alas, it was only much later that we discovered Nick Mueke had acted as 'stunt double', providing arms, legs and torso - everything really except for the round balding head.

At 08:00hrs we assembled outside the Hotel for the day’s bike ride to visit three of the most prominent temples at the Angkor Temple complex. Our ranks had now swelled to 12, with Andy, Kathy and Sue joining us for a day of culture. On passing through the gated entrance to this vast UNESCO site, we first cycled around the large moat surrounding Angkor Wat, the largest, and arguably the most famous, temple in the world, towards Ta Prohm temple. Along the way, we passed Prasat Kravan, the brick Hindu temple built in 921 AD, and the venue selected to celebrate Simon’s birthday later that night.

Ta Prohm is the ultimate Indiana Jones fantasy, and setting for the first Tomb Raider movie. It is a testament to Nature’s ability to reclaim any ground seconded by man, no matter how transformed. The crumbling towers and walls of this temple are locked in a slow, muscular stranglehold of vast root systems that also force their way into the tiniest cracks to eventually render apart roofs, walls and columns. It is the most atmospheric ruins at Angkor, and with the appearance of being slowly swallowed by the jungle, looks very much the way most of the monuments of Angkor would have appeared when European explorers first stumbled upon them.

With our cultural appetites suitably wetted, we next headed for Bayon, a truly massive temple featuring 54 gothic towers decorated with 216 enormous smiling faces. These huge heads glare down from every angle, with a dozen or more always visible from any location within the temple grounds. It is situated at the exact centre of Angkor Thom, a fortified city built at the end of 12^th century, and is some 10 sq km in extent, surrounded by an 8m high, 13km long, wall, and encircled by a 100m wide moat. At the height of the Khmer empire, Angkor Thom is reputed to have supported over one million people in the immediate vicinity.

With body now wilting under the hot sun, legs tired from ascending numerous stone staircases, and cameras suffering from photo overload, we shuffled along to Angkor Wat for a spot of lunch before then heading into the temple complex. Angkor Wat translates to ‘temple that is a city’; rather apposite given the size and grandeur of the place. It is a stunning blend of spirituality and symmetry and an enduring example of the huge time, effort and resources which have been committed by successive major civilisations to honour their gods. Inscriptions at Angkor Wat indicate that over 300,000 workers and 6,000 elephants were involved in its construction, over a 60 year period, using sandstone quarried 40km distant and floated down the Siem Reap River. It is also the only temple at Angkor that has been in continuous use as a place of worship since its construction 900 years ago.

Suitably impressed in equal measure by both the vast scale of the complex and, at the opposite extreme, the intricate attention to detail imbued in the exquisite bas-reliefs (the longest wrapping the outer wall of the central complex for nearly 1km, making it the largest in the world), we limped back to the Hotel at 16:00hrs. Exhausted, some opted for a nap to recharge batteries for the Big Night ahead. Others decided to revive themselves with a few cocktails.

Day 9 (09-Sep-10) Phnom Penh - Siem Reap

To stand in an area no larger than a football field and be told that at this site over 20,000 people were brutally executed and dumped into 129 mass graves, stacked in layers, simply defies the imagination. But the shards of bone, crushed skulls and teeth that, to this day, continue to rise to the surface at your feet, scream otherwise. You then grapple with the one question that impresses on the minds of all that visit this place – why? And as you desperately try to find the answer in the walls of photos representing just a fraction of those that perished here, you come to realise there is no possible answer. For how can you ever rationalise telling a 7 year old peasant girl, already tortured half out her mind, to kneel at the edge of a mass grave and have her executed with a pick axe. How is it conceivable to view this, or any other such child, as a potential ‘enemy of the state’?

And the knowledge that this was not an isolated incident, but one that repeated itself many times over during the near four year rule of the Khmer Rouge regime, wrenches the heart. And when you discover that this heinous crime extended across all 243 Killing Fields located throughout Cambodia, which collectively hold the remains of over 2 million innocent people, bludgeoned to death for lack of bullets, you struggle hard to keep hold of your senses. To attempt any rational explanation requires starring into the darkest recesses of the soul, where lurks in all of us a seemingly insatiable appetite for committing egregious acts of inhumanity towards others. Few dare to take that journey, and thankfully fewer still act on what they discover.

Still grappling with our feelings after leaving Choeung Ek Genocidal Centre, very few words were exchanged on route back to the Hotel. After packing our belongings we then headed for Security Prison 21, S-21, the high school that on the fall of Phnom Penh to the Khmer Rouge was converted into THE most frightening place on Earth, a place where unspeakable torture was inflicted on all those that passed through its gates, and from which only 17 from the 17000+ detainees emerged to tell the world of the horrors commited here. Still reeling from the morning visit to Choeung Ek, this place served only to add to the revulsion for Pol Pot and his henchmen.

Our sombre mood was slowly soothed by visits to the exquisite Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda, which dominates the riverfront where the Tonle Sap and Mekong rivers meet. It is a remarkable structure, whose classic Khmer roofs and ornate gilding give it a striking resemblance to its counterpart in Bangkok, Thailand. Hidden behind protective walls and beneath shadows of ceremonial buildings, it’s an oasis of calm. The Silver Pagoda is so named because it is constructed with 5000 silver tiles, weighing 1 kg each.

We then headed for the airport for the short 45 minute internal flight to Siem Reap up the Tonle Sap river and across the Tonle Sap lake. This unique lake expands to 5 times its size and 70 times its volume each year, acting as the world’s largest natural flood barrier. On arrival in Siem Reep, we were meet by our guide, and found ourselves escorted once more into luxury at the Raffles Grand Hotel of Angkor by 17:30hrs. After a brief swim in the Olympic-sized pool we all convened in the Elephant Bar at 19:00hrs, where we met Andy and Kathy Vigor, and of course Sue; all having arrived from Perth earlier in the day. It soon became evident that they had not lost any time in gaining intimate familiarity with Singapore Slings and Gin Fizz.
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At 20:00hrs we finally departed for our evening meal at the Cafe IndoChine, a ‘Last Supper’ before Simon’s 50th Birthday. Banter was once again light hearted, with Simon rightly being the focus of conversation.

Day 8 (08-Sep-2010) Takeo - Phnom Penh

The mud, the blood, the guts and the endless Bok Choy! Wilfred Owen would have known this place. Today can best be summarised in terms of tedium ad infinitum - tedious long straight roads, never-ending rutted surfaces, the incessant oppressive heat and humidity, the constant wailing of passing traffic and the endless piercing pain shooting through body parts in close proximity to the pubic bone, not to mention the omni-present drone of Simon’s lament.

The day started as every other day – early – with the troupe on the road by 07:40hrs after a plain breakfast comprising two fried eggs and a foot long baguette, each. Conditions appeared promising at first, with a slight breeze and shade helping to suppress both tempers and temperatures. Alas, the serenity was shattered all too soon as the sun climbed inexorably towards its zenith, with Alex forced to pull out for fear that her calves might carbonise.

Like the day before, we rested at regular 20km intervals, with everyone diving for shade, ice and extra sun screen at each pit stop. Shortly after the first 20km stop we finally met up with Ben Paul, who had flown from Singapore to Phnom Penh the night before and took a taxi out of town to intersect our route. Already dressed for the occasion, he was immediately allotted a bike and shortly thereafter found himself embedded in the Peloton among seasoned veterans.

After the 2nd pit stop at 40km we veered off the road to visit the ancient Hindu temple of Bati, which was constructed in the 11th century. Despite its ruined state, enough remains to demonstrate the highly advanced engineering accomplishments and know-how of the Khmer empire, at a time when Britons tried (and failed) to keep a certain French git from conquering their shores by farting in his general direction and accusing his father of being a hamster. Thereafter, all people in Britain were called Norman of course!!!

Lunch was had at the same location, with Simon, like me, being abstemious as he too now suffered from Ghandi’s Revenge. However, we all enjoyed a few beers, and after the women filled their cleavage with large chunks of ice (this aparently had a soothing effect for the women, though it had the exact opposite effect on us men), we continued our bike ride towards Phnom Penh. This next 20km stage proved to be the toughest, with everyone’s enjoyment level wilting quickly under the midday heat.

Thankfully, a couple of cute puppies at the next pit stop (both on the menu) raised our spirits to carry us on our next short 10km stop to the banks of the Mekong river at the edge of the city metropolis. Suitably invigorated by the vista we embarked on our last 10km stage to the Raffles Hotel; arguably the most dangerous of the entire trip thus far given the need to cycle through the city centre alongside, in between and opposite every mode of animal and mechanised transport conceivable.

After negotiating these perils, we finally arrived at the Hotel at 14:45hrs, completing 83km for the day. The fanfare however was momentarily interrupted by the presence of the Slovakian president and his retinue, with the street leading to the Hotel lobby cordoned off. Simon of course called reception to ask them if they knew who we were. Clearly they did not, so we thus faced the ignominy of trying to access the rear entrance; a prospect which appealed greatly to Bryan!!! However, even this was blocked, with many a groan. Finally, we were allowed to enter the main lobby, though our dishevelled, smelly and absurd dress attracted due disdain, despite the grandeur of our surroundings. Lycra & perspiration are not cool in the Raffles, apparently!!!

To recover our dignity, we re-convened at the pool and tried a few cocktails, beers and wines with Ben Paul clearly leading the pack and consuming more than his share!!! Dinner was arranged on the river in PP and we revelled in this ancient city, so marred by the recent slaughter and lunacy of Pol Pot’s madness; not to mention Q’s lycra!!

Day 7 (07-Sep-2010) Kep - Takeo

The Grim Reaper paid a visit during the night to collect on the excesses of the day before, inflicting severe diarrhoea on myself, severe sun burn on Alex, with Desiree suffering flu-like symptoms. As such, I had to forego breakfast, aside to some Jasmine tea and a witch’s brew of charcoal and electrolyte tablets dissolved in water. Desiree popped enough pills to fill a packet of M&M’s and Alex coated herself in enough after-sun lotion to survive a nuclear holocaust. And so it was with greatly muted enthusiasm that we all mounted our bicycles for the 105km ride to Takeo, departing the hotel at 08:00hrs.

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Even at this early hour the sun was intense, with the heat and humidity taking its toll from the outset. Alex was forced to beat a retreat to the sheltered air-conditioned confines of the bus after +/- 15km, with her very puce complexion the result of both sun burn and heat exhaustion. The rest of us managed to struggle on to the first pit stop at 20km for much needed rehydration, shade, further coatings of sun cream and a visit to the Happy Tree. After a generous 15 minute break we continued on our way, stopping again after a further 20km. Along the entire route, Astrid and I stopped at regular intervals to film and capture photographs of the open plains, set against magnificent mountainous backdrops and blue skies filled with large fluffy cumulonimbus clouds. We would then have to cycle hard to catch up with the rest of the group, with Barry helping to pull us along (effortlessly, of course).

And so it continued, with a further break at 60km, before finally stopping for lunch at 12:30hrs, by which time we had completed a total of 75km. By now however most of the team had little appetite for food, with some munching on a few crackers, others some fruit, and myself 2 slices of Rivita, washed down with more charcoal and electrolytes to keep the stomach stable. The highlight was cans of ice-cold Angkor beer, which helped to dull the pain in body parts beyond the reach of any medication.

An hour later we embarked on the final 30km stretch to Takeo, with Alex joining us once again. This was actually the hardest stage, with no shade or wind to offer respite from the sun now bearing down on us mercilessly. To make matters worse, the road conditions deteriorated also, with +/- 10km covered by gravel only, with huge dust clouds from oncoming vehicles choking our breathing. After a final pit stop at 95km, we completed the final 10km over bumpy tarmac into Takeo at 15:00hrs, with Alex piping Simon to the post (twice) with everyone rushing into the Hotel reception to enjoy the air conditioning and down a few more beers.

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After an hour spent soaking away aches and pains, removing eye-watering stench and washing of clothes, some of the team sauntered into town for a tour of the local market. Others attended to admin. chores, with the remainder opting for a well earned nap. Simon has also decided to sell his Love Swing, go celibate and donate his Speedos to Orman Street hospital for children under 5 in protest at the news that Labour have secured support from enough independents to form the next Australian government.

Day 6 (06-Sep-2010) Kep

Today’s diary will be short as much of it was spent contemplating our journey to date from behind closed eyes while napping, sun bathing, enjoying full body massages or sucking down every cocktail on offer.

We were all most impressed with the renovated art deco style hotel xxx, which featured quite superb rooms. Bryan’s room was spectacular, with views over the infinity pool to the beach, its own outside entertainment area and sundeck on the roof.

Most of the motley crew opted to spend the morning on Rabbit Island, with Simon hounded during the entire stay by a pack of rabid wild dogs – clearly intent on amputating the gangrenous lower right leg. The rest took advantage of the idyllic setting to bask in the sun, swim in the surf, and read. Lunch was caught fresh before our very eyes and cooked on the beach where we enjoyed fresh black pepper crab, sea snails and fish.

The journey to and from the island was incredibly rough due to the windy conditions, raging storm and white tops breaking over the bow of an obviously dilapidated boat which appeared to have a re-cycled lawn mower for an engine. As a result the journey took longer than anticipated, with some passengers discovered gnawing on the remains of the poor cabin boy on return to the jetty.

Bryan was the most adventurous, hiring a 125cc scooter for the day for just $10. This enabled him to explore the countryside and replenish fiscal reserves at the ATM in Kam Pot. He also went sailboarding in the afternoon. Astrid & I opted to chill out, with the morning spent at the hotel pool, followed by an hour long massage of frail and exhausted torsos – truly pleasurable.

In fact, the entire crew also took advantage of the Spa in the afternoon, which featured a procession of tired & tortured bodies being coated in fragrant oils and beaten back into shape, if ever so gently!! Astrid, Alex and I ate a late lunch, washed down with a number of different cocktails, at our hotel. To help digest the food Astrid & I then went for a long walk along the coastline – a very scenic and picturesque setting that has all the right ingredients to become the next Phuket – at a third of the price and far more tranquil.

We eventually all convened at the hotel bar and restaurant to finish the day with more cocktails, a superb 5-course set dinner, washed down with some fine Oz & Chilean wine, and dished up with some erudite conversation (with Simon representing extreme fascist right wing views).

Day 5 (05-Sep-2010) Chau Doc - Kep

We were up early to wander the promenade and after another sumptuous breakfast overlooking the Mekong River we boarded another fast river boat to visit local fish farms managed by people that dwell on a floating village. Feeding the catfish sent them into a wild frenzy, churning the water into a virtual froth and soaking the tourists in the process. We then continued up river through a plethora of floating house boats & visited a community of Cham people who live on the river bank in houses built on high stilts to cater for the rise in water level during the rainy season. The highest water level encountered was in 2002, which was +/- 5m above the current level. We thought that Pakistan might learn a thing or two here.

After returning to the hotel we then boarded the bus and headed out of town for the start of today’s bike ride – our last in Vietnam. 30 minutes later we found ourselves on top of a big hill, mounted our bikes and hurled ourselves down to the plains below. Alas, shortly after veering off onto narrow country lanes among picturesque paddy fields, Simon’s overwhelming sense of self drove him to steal the day’s headlines once again by staging a flat tire and claiming it to be the result of a hit-and-run with a heavily armoured Rhino beetle.

Following quick repairs enacted by Hien in true F1 style, we continued on our idyllic mega transect of the Mekong Delta. Alas, the oppressive heat and humidity took its toll on Alex, who is a veritable traffic light; once her face turns bright red it really does mean stop!! She opted to recover in comfort of the air-conditioned bus and, chameleon-like, slowly revert back to lily white via amber and green. We arrived at Ba Chuc shortly before noon and visited the shrine erected in memory of the savage massacre of over 3000 villagers by the Khmer Rouge in April 1978. The hall of remembrance is adorned with photographs of the horrific torture and murder inflicted on these poor people. From my perspective at least, Vietnam’s subsequent invasion of Cambodia to end the barbaric Khmer Rouge regime is entirely understandable and justified by the graphic memorial assembled from the skulls & bones of it’s victims.

After lunching at Ba Chuc we then continued on the last stage to the border with Cambodia, arriving at 15:00hrs. The transfer into Cambodia was time consuming but uneventful, with the team presented new bikes for the final 30km stage into the Cambodian wilderness at 15:30hrs. The scenery along the way was simply stunning and a welcome distraction from the bone-shattering pot holes and craters littering the dirt track. Astrid was clearly invigorated by the experience, and got a 3^rd wind (just in front of Simon) for the last 15km, with Barry, Simon and myself in hot pursuit of the lady in pink. Barry, a.k.a. The Uber-Meister of Sweat, being the strongest cyclist, eased past Astrid over the last uphill section, hurling her into the undergrowth in the process. He pushed on to take the line honours, cheered on by his vast army of young fans who lined the dirt track for a ‘high five’ at every opportunity. I (Uber-Meister’s apprentice) battled the elements to finish a creditable second, losing well over 2 liters of liquid on the final 500m section, aqua-planning in at the last.

After completing 72km over the day, we crossed the finishing line at 18:10hrs, with the bus journey to the Hotel lasting a further two hours of intense bone rattling on what in Cambodia is termed as a super highway.

Day 4 (04-Sep-2010) Can Tho - Chau Doc

Following a most sumptuous breakfast we headed off by boat at 07:30hrs to visit the floating market. The torrential downpour meant nobody, not even the skipper, could tell which direction we were headed. Thankfully, the rain stopped before colliding into any boats. Unlike the floating market in Bangkok, which has morphed over the years to sell trinkets to legions of tourists, this particular floating market is a hive of agricultural commerce, with all manner of fruits and vegetables being battered and exchanged. Astrid did a great job with her Canon D5 capturing the essence of this local gem. And thence to the day’s bike ride.

Not satisfied with the spoils of yesterday’s victory, Simon yearned for immortality among the Pantheon of cycling legends from days of yore. To be revered in equal measure with the likes of Eddy Merckx, Robbie McEwen & Sir Chris Hoyle was simply too irresistible. And so it was, after just 15 seconds in the saddle, perhaps 20 at most, Simon feigned a tricky hand break turn on the bridge leaving the Floating Market. The result was magnificent – a deep gouge in his right shin. While some like myself were content to give him a standing ovation, others rushed to stem the massive loss of blood.

And the carnage only got worse, far eclipsing the great Precambrian mass extinction event. Bryan The Invincible decided he needed a facial mud pack rather than sun cream to protect his youthful looks and Astrid was not convinced by Donna’s performance the day before, and decided to test for herself the very slippery conditions. A close inspection of the ensuing blooded right knee, plethora of bruises to her right arm, and the massive grazing of her left hamstring was sufficient to convince her that indeed concrete can be slippery.

And then the heavens opened once again, with the next hour pitted against all that nature and lore could arraign against us, with the Four Horses of the Apocalypse chasing us along a giant BMX obstacle course towards the Gates of Armageddon. Finally we took shelter in the entrance to a small factory, with next half hour spent embalming Simon’s shin in plastic bags and self-adhesive tape.

With no signs of the rain abating we decided to continue on to out morning coffee break, miraculously avoiding further incident. The 2nd stage to lunch was also very pleasant, with the countryside revealing its stunning beauty as the sun slowly emerged from behind the clouds. In order to make up for lost time we took to the bus for the first 30km after lunch before then completing the day on bikes. This last stage took us along the open expanse of rice paddy fields in the Mekong delta stretching to the horizon in all directions. With Barry now at the front he found himself the focus of unfettered adulation by the local children, who rushed out from their homes for a ‘High-Five’ as we hurtled along the narrow dykes. The rest of us huddled under Ponchos to avoid being drenched by the splashback from his Fountain of Sweat.

And so finally, after brief stop at an Egret bird sanctuary , we were finally able to put up our spurs for the final bus ride to our Hotel for the night, arriving 19:30hrs.

Day 3 (03-Sep-2010) Mytho - Can Tho

Anthropological cacophony awoke most at 05:00hrs, with plenty of time therefore to pack for the stipulated departure at 08:00hrs. Again, we were spared cycling through town, with today’s ride commencing 08:30hrs along a quiet country lane. Almost immediately however we found ourselves imperilled, with Simon suddenly spotted digging for mud crabs with his nose. Shortly thereafter, Bryan The Invincible attempted a flawless hands-free dismount – but failed miserably, with the cleat on his left foot still firmly attached to the pedal as he + bike bounced off the concrete with a coefficient of restitution that would make Barnes Wallace proud. Sensing brinkmanship, and embracing any challenge, no matter how banal, Simon opted for an eye-watering manoeuvre over the handlebars that only someone with family jewels considerably smaller than normal would ever attempt! With a difficulty of 5.5 Simon was clearly the winner, though his manhood is now in question. For the woman’s team it was left to Donna to demonstrate some derring-do, which she did admirably well by ignoring Alex’s warnings about the slippery path – and proved that it was indeed slippery.

And all this before morning tea! The second stage to lunch break was thankfully uneventful. On the way we stopped off at a local sweet factory to see how 'pop rice' and coconut candy are made – and then ate most of what was available. Lunch was a simple but nourishing affair – beef noodles or beef curry being the only options available.

Many bridges and ferry rides later we finally arrived at the end of our day’s cycle ride at 16:50hrs, covering a total distance of (just) 66kms in 8 hours – and yes some can run that distance in half the time....

Day 2 (02-Sep-2010) Ho Chi Minh City - Mytho

A leisurely start to the day, with the bus departing the Hotel at 07:30hrs. After a brief stop to visit the inside of the Notre Dame Cathedral we went to the Presidents Palace, scene of another momentous action famously caught on film when North Vietnamese tanks crashed through the front gates to finally put an end to the fighting that had savaged a nation almost non-stop since the end of WWII. This was followed by a tour of the War Remnants Museum, a very graphic experience designed to shock the visitor – and does so very successfully.

We then jumped back on the bus for a 2 hour drive out of Saigon to the starting point of our cycling expedition. We were all truly thankful that the organisers had spared us the nightmare of having to cycle out of town, as jockeying for position among 11 million mopeds would likely have been a bloody and ultimately futile exercise. The cycle ride along narrow paths through the swamps and coconut plantations of the Mekong Delta was truly fabulous, though a little frightening at times having to cross bridges that either had no railings, or swayed badly under flimsy suspensions. Other bridges adorned a minimalist wooden construction that not only lacked railings but also swayed badly under our combined weight - well Astrid's anyway. Other hazards included low lying fruit, falling fruit, oncoming moped riders with no spatial awareness, chickens with road rage, vagrant piglets running amok, rabid dogs and the endless mindless poetry from Barry.

The 38km route itself would be impossible to recall, and had the guides simply elected to go round in circles we would have been none the wiser were it not for our Garmin Forerunner GPS tracking devices. At journey’s end, however, the truck and bus were waiting to take us on the final leg to our Hotel in Mytho. Following check-in we attended to personal hygiene, which for some had clearly deteriorated during the day (we shall not mention names, but the guilty found themselves isolated at the back of the bus). We then had a lavish dinner at some very secluded Vietnamese restaurant, washed down with some of France’s finest vintage wines – at US$10.00/bottle.

Day 1 (01-Sep-2010) Singapore - Ho Chi Minh City

The flight to Ho Chi Minh City, still known as Saigon to most, was due to depart Singapore airport at 08:25 hrs. Reveille was thus at 04:45 hrs in time for our taxi pickup of 05:15 hrs. Bryan Hughes (a.k.a Energiser Bunny), one of our partners in crime on the recent kayaking trip to the Ningaloo Reef, had decided to opt for the Perth, Singapore, Ho Chi Minh route and so stayed at Castle Q&A the night before. He too therefore had the questionable pleasure of getting up early to join us on our trip to the airport.

Fortunately, our Dubai days are nothing but a distant memory, with the taxi turning up in plenty of time and with a driver who actually knew where he was taking us. Bliss! During check-in we met up with Donna and Alex. Alas, the ranks had been decimated in recent days and weeks through mental and physical injury, with just 5 of the original 9 team members from Singapore making in on the flight to Ho Chi Minh City.

Despite the high attrition rate, moral remained high, unphased by the daunting task awaiting us in Vietnam. And so following check-in and a quick breakfast we were on our way.

A short 2 hours later we disembarked at our initial destination and, although first off the plane, we were last through immigration due to time required to obtain entry visas on arrival. In Bryan’s case, this means now being allowed to enter Vietnam multiple times, thanks to an over efficient PA.

Tico, our guide from Spiceroads, and the person who will be cycling with us during our 4 days in Vietnam, was waiting for us at the other end and, following a short bus ride through the city, dropped us off at our first hotel for the trip - the Sofitel. During the brief trip to our destination, we witnessed a unique spectacle. This city of 10 million people has 11 million mopeds coursing its veins. Despite the obvious chaos this number of motorists creates, nearly everybody seems to be able to anticipate the unpredictable and wayward riding habits of everybody else. This collective conscience manifests in a living example of ‘organised chaos’.

Fortunately, the hotel allowed us to check in early and following quick ablutions, we regrouped for a quick (2nd) breakfast on the 18th floor, prior to having our first look around town. First we past the American Embassy, scene of final panicked evacuations at end of the Vietnam War so famously caught on newsreel. Next we visited the central post office, now housed in a recently renovated 19th century French colonial building, making it one of the most ornate post offices we’ve ever seen. Opposite is the Notre Dame Cathedral, a ‘mini me’ Romanesque version of the original in Paris, complete with 40m high twin towers, and built entirely from red brick. We then sauntered down old colonial tree-lined streets past the new (or recently renovated) Opera House and over to the Ben Thanh market. Two things standout as you navigate this route; 1) the maze of overhead telephone cables; 2) the dangers faced crossing the road, as each junction is treated as the starting line for the Assen TT - in all directions simultaneously!

Having navigated the hot and sweaty narrow pathways through the enclosed Ben Thanh market we beat a retreat back towards the Hotel, stopping off to visit a few art galleries on route, with Donna maxing out a few credit cards to buy the best on offer. The route home took us past the Saigon River, with Bryan awarded Medal of Valour for crossing the highway in both directions while managing to exude a truly stoic and phlegmatic disregard for life and limb.

After short snooze back at the Hotel we met Simon and the rest of the team over copious quantities of wine. We also gave Simon an early birthday present, a Canon G11 camera, complete with ‘self-timer’ feature which we expect will be Simon’s favourite. We then ended the day with a sumptuous feast at the Vietnam House restaurant next door to the gallery which Donna had visited earlier in the day - and now empty of paintings as a result.